Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
