The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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