i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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