happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
