He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
