Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
