Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
