If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
