So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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