apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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