I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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