If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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