i wish there were pregnant emoticons
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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