if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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