She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We're too hungover to prance.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
