Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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