You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Little spoons don't ask big questions
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
