from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
