Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
