I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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