if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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