Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
