Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
