I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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