eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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