Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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