did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
