He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
