i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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