I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
