Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
