is your mom at the bar?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
high people should be assigned attendants
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
