I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
