I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
