do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
