He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
