I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
