I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
