i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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