you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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