I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
