Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
