I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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