I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If I die, sorry about rent.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
