i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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