He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
