I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
