i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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