You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
