It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
