so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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