Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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