Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
