apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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