i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
