I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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