She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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